Nocturnal You Say

I found a lovely blog earlier tonight, left a comment way late and was so happy I found them. I realized awhile back I am nocturnal and fought it most of my life. Having to explain myself, my sleep pattern to people. It drove me crazy!

Back then the latest I went to bed when raising the kids was 3 a.m. still getting up in time to send them off to school, and then crawl back in to bed. Yes, husband worked during the day, of course little do they know so do stay at home mom's.

I did manage to get done what was needed for the kids and kept pretty much a clean house. I just always had to explain why I went back to bed and got up after the noon hour. I mean come on who cared anyway! No one was home, yet it seemed to bother those around me, of course, making me miserable. Feeling as though something was terribly wrong with me.

I did this most of my life, then one day I had an Ah ha moment when someone ( I will tell you who in my Getting Real and Raw series) told me I didn't fit the normal everyday person. I mean come on someone has to do jobs at night while others are sleeping. Hello, the world doesn't just shut down! I know, I know, shut up you weren't working or was I? Indeed I was...not only folding laundry, fixing lunches and such, I was enjoying my time crafting and it happened to be at night when all were sleeping. However, that was not the truth, it was what I told myself and everyone else.

The fact of the matter (the person in question) who gave my Ah ha moment many years later hit it right on the nail. Yup! I am a human, but, I am nocturnal. Once this person said, some who are very creative as in sketching and painting tend to find the night relaxing. That Ah ha moment was one of the first personal best things I discovered about myself, a defining moment of no more guilt feelings, no more explaining, to anyone!! I was in control of my own feelings for the first time in my life.

What a relief it was to get that monkey off my back who kept saying "Why do you stay up all night?" Kicked the little sucker to the curb! No more explaining to anyone!!

I am proudly Nocturnal and that's the way it is.........x Pamela

Blogcatalog- Getting Real and Raw

Hey all, I just signed up with Blogcatalog, I heard it's a great place to be.

Welcome to all who read, click and follow along as I am about to expose my life story by GETTING REAL AND RAW.

I have been told so many times over my years of living, those who have been near me seen parts of my life, and those in upstanding postitions telling me to write it down. And, here is where I decided to do it. Hang on as you won't believe the life I have lived! Sometimes I can hardly believe it myself, but here I am a true survivor! A hell of a life to a Happy women who doesn't regret one moment of living it.

I will begin shortly so take your spot on my blog. There's a lot to tell....

Blogging

It's been quite awhile since I have posted, actually, I was trying to decide which way I wanted to take my blog. I've done research found a few helpful things yet nothing of real value, so after a long while of thinking I know what I am to do.

First I am going to start photographing my cupcakes, as I love to bake, you noticed bake not cook. The old saying has always been if you can cook, you can't bake, and visa verse. In fact, I just heard Rachel Ray this season admit she can cook but not bake. I am a proud baker of what most would call junk food, but, boy do I love it! Not to worry I plan on giving you many of my recipes to create some of my cupcakes.

Then I thought I would do something I call "Real to Exposed Raw", my own personal story, from being a young teen who had no idea what I was doing, to being molested by many family members, right down to spending my life pleasing people, finding all the wrong men, to being my mother's only child who seem to have all the accidents in life. To finally finding happiness, and peace, to which I will explain in detail how I got to this point.

There was a time in my life when a judge told me I should be a writer, of course being young, it sort of went in one ear and out the other yet often founding it's place in my memory to remind me. It is quite the truth as we grow from birth to 40ty our minds are all over the place rarely stopping to take in a lesson of the moment before us, generally called mistakes. Now at age 55, my instincts have lead me to apply his advice and to diffidently focus on my mistakes and the moments that teach me the most important things in life. Through my own Raw story I hope I can help someone out there who may be wondering about there own life, looking for an Ah, ha moment as the earlier the wake up call the further in life one will go. It's called a jump start.

For those who are young and pay attention, listen to there elders when they speak, congratulations you understand life at an early age. But, for those of you who look at us and say what do they know there old, your missing out on experience, knowledge and of course wisdom. We didn't get this far without following the same birth to old age just as you. I have learned by listening and watching people those who know it all early in age are just as ignorant as those who don't want to listen to us the older generation. And, yes I was one myself and that's the beauty of me telling you my story.

I will begin tomorrow or when the mood strikes me to post, writing often has it's moments of presenting itself and saying okay it's time to type. Be sure to follow from the beginning it's always the best place to start.

I end this post by saying....be sure to listen to those over 50ty they really do know what is going on all around them.

Daisy Cupcakes and Self Serving Children

I thought I might start this post with a scrumptious dessert loved by everyone cupcakes. Yes, those little round things with frosting, a miniature cake in a round. So tempting and always delicious. This one is devil's food with classic vanilla frosting, made from scratch NOT! Just like most things these days it came in a box with can frosting. Simple eggs, oil, box cake mix and pre-made frosting and you have a mouth watering melt in your mouth chocolate cupcake, these made for me and my children.

Now the point of this post is not the cupcake naturally if it's from a box and can what needs to be explained. No, the point of the post of course has to be the obvious, my lovely, delightful, giving, children. Did I just say all that? You bet, I found myself over the summer conversating with many baby boomer mothers. Talking about none other than our children. It goes something like this....

Excuse me am I in your way? Oh, no not at all you're fine.

Phone vibrates, Oh, excuse me I have a text of course from one of my children.

If they can't find me, or I don't answer they just panic. Really, how many children to you have?
3 how often do you see them, hardly ever but they seem to find time to text. I hate it. Now don't get me wrong they're wonderful kids, WAIT there it is that stupid repetitive line, they're wonderful kids, What the fuck! Wonderful kids exactly what are we talking about? I have to stop for a moment and answer this to my readers, it's crap that's what it is, a guilty feeling hits you because you're complaining about them in one way, we must confirm we didn't raise bad children. So today I said no more, I refuse to ever use that line again. Besides if they are without flaws, which is what that statement may imply then what would they have to learn in life. So continue reading the conversation as it goes like this....

They can't visit but they sure can text. What happen to go old talking on the phone or for that your child visiting. I know she replies I feel the same way.

It's seems the generations today just don't care about there parents, she says.

I hear ya, I reply. It's awful, sure they wanna know if you're dead if they can't get you, but they have no interest while you're living. How convenient a cell phone makes it for them.

Yes, I know, I figure if I end up with Alzheimer's someday my kids will abuse me when I can't remember a thing. I hear ya, she laughs, it's scary to get old knowing your children won't want to take care of you, ending up in a nursing home without a visitor.

The only part of aging I truly hate, I reply. They just assume as you age your getting better. No need to worry until they show up and then it's watch your step, be careful. I say where the hell have you been for the last month. Now your worried, oh right out of sight out of mind.

Sometimes I wondered why I even had them she says, I hear ya, living alone you would think they would check in more often. I hear ya again she replies. My husband died and they still don't visit. Shaking our heads we say, it was nice talking to you have a nice day.

So I say this....what the hell...where has all the human compassion gone? The family unit. The times when people knew there neighbors, helped each other. When I visit my neighbor it's oh, what's up, what do you need, is there something you want. Hello, yes as a matter of fact you idiot it's called a visit.

Of course I understand it even more now, I am a content, happy person, with myself, but it doesn't mean others are the same. I can tell by responses what page someone is on in life and more than none it's on the idiot page. How can I be so critical, I was there once and after all experience leads to knowledge if you pay attention there is a lesson and that my friend leads to self acceptance. If I have been there I can throw stones and believe me I plan on hitting my mark when I do.

In one sentence out of someones mouth, I can immediately tell just how hard and fast I plan on hitting. It's like a Dr. Phil moment when you look at the person and say to yourself how's that working for you or hello am I on some other planet. Each and everyday I am finding the human race more and more self involved right down to my own children and grand children.

Speaking of grand children I have two, babysit them, I think NOT, why? They're like wild animals let loose to do whatever they want to anything they want, when they want. I never thought I would have grand children who have lost they're minds, let alone a child of mine letting them do so.

What the fuck I say to my son, have you lost some part of your brain? No he says I get no help, she's never home working all the time. Well who the hell do you think helped me raise my kids, the mother fairy? As I get looked at like how do I answer this.

Then he looks at his son's and says, if grandma had you for a month you wouldn't be doing what your doing. No shit I say, but, what the hell is wrong with you. Oh, wait let me see cell phones, and video games have lead you to believe children raise themselves. I told my daughter as I told my son directly, I don't think he knows he has any children with the video games. Yes, if I talk about you I am sure not afraid to say it to your face, what's the point of saying it all if you can't.

So in the end what's the solution....time....eventually mother nature, planet earth, the universe and all that other stuff is going to correct itself, it has throughout history unless we start looking around us really looking and taking notice. The troubles and scrambles of the world can only go on for so long before everything hits the fan and change occurs. It happens in people's lives everyday eventually something has to give and things change. So we wait, wait for people to see it first or the universe to step in and change it all. Take us back to simple times when people had to work together help each other. Every catastrophe teaches us that if only we would apply it beyond that moment, wouldn't it be grand!

Now as far as my own children, using the guilt bomb is not my style or for that the way I operate. It's only self serving and that's not me. So this is what I do I'm only there for them if it's a life threatening or a dangerous situation. Other than that it is the fall of my own life and I plan on enjoying it as much as I possible can. What about you?

Oh, and the cupcakes you bet I eat them life is about doing and choices, and I choose cupcakes whenever possible.