Getting Real and Raw - Part One

Have you ever been ask the question "How far back in your life do you first remember?"

I can remember a little girl walking through a gate, down a sidewalk, out in to the middle of the street seeing something really large moving then knocking her to the ground. A mother running towards the street picking up that little girl, spanking and shaking her to have another women grab the child, "yelling what are you doing?" The little girl remembers being in the E.R. scared, crying with cuts on her knees being gently wiped clean.






For me, this is that little girl, nearly two, the age I remember, the one I can recall first in my mind. I remember that little girl scared, "wondering why is mommy hitting me?" I just feel down after being hit by that big thing. Luckily, the car had just tapped me, knocked me over and stopped. I was told the woman who grabbed me was actually driving the car.

I can picture that house so well in my mind. We only lived there 6 years after I was born, but, there are quite of few memories in that house from that moment on....some good, others well, I only know my grandmother (on my father's side) did NOT like my mother, nor did she like grandma. They were always yelling at each other. I also know grandma was a blast, always dressing up for Halloween, it made mom angry to the point she would kick grandma out of the house.

I don't recall how Dad reacted to Mom kicking grandma out. I don't really remember much of Dad back in those days. Probably due to mom being home all the time. Stay at home mom's where big back in the 50ties.

This my very first experience of finding my way to being happy and content, picking up this picture starring closely at that little girl, wrapping my right hand around the picture and said "It was okay, I understand now why she spanked me, shook me like she did." Even though she never said why, I can see now the look in her eyes in that moment, scared too death of what she would find running out the door. It all made sense. I held that picture looking at that little girl like I had never seen her before, I said, " It's okay, I love you sweet one."

In that moment, I closed my eyes and saw her like I never did before, standing wrapped around my legs. I could feel her hugging me back. I let go of what the picture represented and saw her for the very first time, smiled and said hey you, look how far we came, amazing isn't it! But hang on, that little knock to the ground was nothing compared to what was about to come..........until tomorrow, Pamela