Blogging

It's been quite awhile since I have posted, actually, I was trying to decide which way I wanted to take my blog. I've done research found a few helpful things yet nothing of real value, so after a long while of thinking I know what I am to do.

First I am going to start photographing my cupcakes, as I love to bake, you noticed bake not cook. The old saying has always been if you can cook, you can't bake, and visa verse. In fact, I just heard Rachel Ray this season admit she can cook but not bake. I am a proud baker of what most would call junk food, but, boy do I love it! Not to worry I plan on giving you many of my recipes to create some of my cupcakes.

Then I thought I would do something I call "Real to Exposed Raw", my own personal story, from being a young teen who had no idea what I was doing, to being molested by many family members, right down to spending my life pleasing people, finding all the wrong men, to being my mother's only child who seem to have all the accidents in life. To finally finding happiness, and peace, to which I will explain in detail how I got to this point.

There was a time in my life when a judge told me I should be a writer, of course being young, it sort of went in one ear and out the other yet often founding it's place in my memory to remind me. It is quite the truth as we grow from birth to 40ty our minds are all over the place rarely stopping to take in a lesson of the moment before us, generally called mistakes. Now at age 55, my instincts have lead me to apply his advice and to diffidently focus on my mistakes and the moments that teach me the most important things in life. Through my own Raw story I hope I can help someone out there who may be wondering about there own life, looking for an Ah, ha moment as the earlier the wake up call the further in life one will go. It's called a jump start.

For those who are young and pay attention, listen to there elders when they speak, congratulations you understand life at an early age. But, for those of you who look at us and say what do they know there old, your missing out on experience, knowledge and of course wisdom. We didn't get this far without following the same birth to old age just as you. I have learned by listening and watching people those who know it all early in age are just as ignorant as those who don't want to listen to us the older generation. And, yes I was one myself and that's the beauty of me telling you my story.

I will begin tomorrow or when the mood strikes me to post, writing often has it's moments of presenting itself and saying okay it's time to type. Be sure to follow from the beginning it's always the best place to start.

I end this post by saying....be sure to listen to those over 50ty they really do know what is going on all around them.

Daisy Cupcakes and Self Serving Children

I thought I might start this post with a scrumptious dessert loved by everyone cupcakes. Yes, those little round things with frosting, a miniature cake in a round. So tempting and always delicious. This one is devil's food with classic vanilla frosting, made from scratch NOT! Just like most things these days it came in a box with can frosting. Simple eggs, oil, box cake mix and pre-made frosting and you have a mouth watering melt in your mouth chocolate cupcake, these made for me and my children.

Now the point of this post is not the cupcake naturally if it's from a box and can what needs to be explained. No, the point of the post of course has to be the obvious, my lovely, delightful, giving, children. Did I just say all that? You bet, I found myself over the summer conversating with many baby boomer mothers. Talking about none other than our children. It goes something like this....

Excuse me am I in your way? Oh, no not at all you're fine.

Phone vibrates, Oh, excuse me I have a text of course from one of my children.

If they can't find me, or I don't answer they just panic. Really, how many children to you have?
3 how often do you see them, hardly ever but they seem to find time to text. I hate it. Now don't get me wrong they're wonderful kids, WAIT there it is that stupid repetitive line, they're wonderful kids, What the fuck! Wonderful kids exactly what are we talking about? I have to stop for a moment and answer this to my readers, it's crap that's what it is, a guilty feeling hits you because you're complaining about them in one way, we must confirm we didn't raise bad children. So today I said no more, I refuse to ever use that line again. Besides if they are without flaws, which is what that statement may imply then what would they have to learn in life. So continue reading the conversation as it goes like this....

They can't visit but they sure can text. What happen to go old talking on the phone or for that your child visiting. I know she replies I feel the same way.

It's seems the generations today just don't care about there parents, she says.

I hear ya, I reply. It's awful, sure they wanna know if you're dead if they can't get you, but they have no interest while you're living. How convenient a cell phone makes it for them.

Yes, I know, I figure if I end up with Alzheimer's someday my kids will abuse me when I can't remember a thing. I hear ya, she laughs, it's scary to get old knowing your children won't want to take care of you, ending up in a nursing home without a visitor.

The only part of aging I truly hate, I reply. They just assume as you age your getting better. No need to worry until they show up and then it's watch your step, be careful. I say where the hell have you been for the last month. Now your worried, oh right out of sight out of mind.

Sometimes I wondered why I even had them she says, I hear ya, living alone you would think they would check in more often. I hear ya again she replies. My husband died and they still don't visit. Shaking our heads we say, it was nice talking to you have a nice day.

So I say this....what the hell...where has all the human compassion gone? The family unit. The times when people knew there neighbors, helped each other. When I visit my neighbor it's oh, what's up, what do you need, is there something you want. Hello, yes as a matter of fact you idiot it's called a visit.

Of course I understand it even more now, I am a content, happy person, with myself, but it doesn't mean others are the same. I can tell by responses what page someone is on in life and more than none it's on the idiot page. How can I be so critical, I was there once and after all experience leads to knowledge if you pay attention there is a lesson and that my friend leads to self acceptance. If I have been there I can throw stones and believe me I plan on hitting my mark when I do.

In one sentence out of someones mouth, I can immediately tell just how hard and fast I plan on hitting. It's like a Dr. Phil moment when you look at the person and say to yourself how's that working for you or hello am I on some other planet. Each and everyday I am finding the human race more and more self involved right down to my own children and grand children.

Speaking of grand children I have two, babysit them, I think NOT, why? They're like wild animals let loose to do whatever they want to anything they want, when they want. I never thought I would have grand children who have lost they're minds, let alone a child of mine letting them do so.

What the fuck I say to my son, have you lost some part of your brain? No he says I get no help, she's never home working all the time. Well who the hell do you think helped me raise my kids, the mother fairy? As I get looked at like how do I answer this.

Then he looks at his son's and says, if grandma had you for a month you wouldn't be doing what your doing. No shit I say, but, what the hell is wrong with you. Oh, wait let me see cell phones, and video games have lead you to believe children raise themselves. I told my daughter as I told my son directly, I don't think he knows he has any children with the video games. Yes, if I talk about you I am sure not afraid to say it to your face, what's the point of saying it all if you can't.

So in the end what's the solution....time....eventually mother nature, planet earth, the universe and all that other stuff is going to correct itself, it has throughout history unless we start looking around us really looking and taking notice. The troubles and scrambles of the world can only go on for so long before everything hits the fan and change occurs. It happens in people's lives everyday eventually something has to give and things change. So we wait, wait for people to see it first or the universe to step in and change it all. Take us back to simple times when people had to work together help each other. Every catastrophe teaches us that if only we would apply it beyond that moment, wouldn't it be grand!

Now as far as my own children, using the guilt bomb is not my style or for that the way I operate. It's only self serving and that's not me. So this is what I do I'm only there for them if it's a life threatening or a dangerous situation. Other than that it is the fall of my own life and I plan on enjoying it as much as I possible can. What about you?

Oh, and the cupcakes you bet I eat them life is about doing and choices, and I choose cupcakes whenever possible.

Hello again Internet World

OMG! I seem to have forgotten about my blog. Forgotten you say! Yes, in fact I had decided to quit writing on the Internet, yet, hadn't deleted the blog and now I am happy I didn't.



So many things have been going on in my life, some up and some down. I do so love the downs and you're probably all saying What! the downs. Yes, why you say, I love learning and those are the times you learn the most about yourself. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't go looking for them or wish for hard times but life happens everyday and much of it is out of our control. It's the beauty of living.

Like these sunflowers I grew in my garden this year. There is something so magical about these flowers. I believe it's there unusual height and the beautiful yellow's and browns of the flower. Smiles are what they seem to offer and I will take a smile any day.

I've also been doing a bit of redecorating of course on a budget. Being a single baby boomer doesn't leave one much dollars to indulge ones self. Of course, with the economy these days it's not leave much for anyone. My heart goes out to everyone living on a budget, check to check, and some barely at all. I truly hope next year is better. Let's hope the government applies a little more compassion to the common people. I have my own personal opinion of the government but that's another post.

I end this post saying it's good to be back and again I am so happy I didn't delete. I plan on talking more about thinks going on around us that affect how we live and ways we can change it. In the meantime have a wonderful weekend.

Until next post, blessings to all....

WOW! it's been awhile since I have posted

Well, hello again to all...I didn't think it was that long since I have posted, but then again time waits for no one and flies faster than we think possible.

I hope all who read had a wonderful Holiday. Mine was great I couldn't have ask for a better end of the year. But, the biggest thing on my mind was all the people without for those Holidays. I just couldn't seem to get them or the image I had created out of my mind. How can we as human's let or for that allow this to happen?

For my own Holiday the gift I recieved was not what came in a Kohl's box, it was the presence of all my children. my grandbabies and looking at my daughter's first Christmas celebration in her own home. Her meal was incredible, her face priceless, and to be in her presence after so many prior complications was more than I could have wished for...between her and her hubbee Aaron, I felt I was finally home. Home hmmm...it's not a certain place or a building it's being in the heart and if where fortunate it's also in the presence of those who love us. When you have those opportunities soak them in they make you richer than anyone in the world with money and things. When you do that it will humble you heart and soul. So, when am going to the nursing home? LOL I had to add that for a bit of lightness if you know me it's what I do!

Which takes me down this path...my mother passed in 2005, my father in 1986 I will always miss them both it's a given. I get visits in my dreams, visits that are just as important as if they were still here. The last one I recall was about 2 weeks ago, we were sitting in my kitchen here in my apartment. My father was at the chair by the door and my mother was a table length across just as when we did when I was young as we sat to eat. I can't recall exactly the conversation word for word but it was a simple visit, simple conversation a very warm feeling accompanied by a smile when I woke. I was just as grateful for that visit as I would be today if they were alive. The mind is a wonderful tool, it's ability to retain moments and store them when we want to travel back in time. I find it just as wonderful as the heart. Funny, although my father passed she never found anyone again or for that had the desire to do so. For that I alone I hand them a respect I can't begin to describe. In the end my mother passed NOT in a nursing home but in her own home. I couldn't have ask for anything more for the way she left this earth. It was right where she always wanted to be.

I often don't understand or can I wrap my mind around a nursing home when those people who live there have family alive. It's almost like taking a dog to the pound and saying I don't want to do this anymore or for that at all. It's just too much trouble. How can a human be too much trouble? How can any human be too much trouble? I know one thing for sure we are all reminded of this someday, we all grow old it's the travels of being alive. One day we all walk in the same shoes those old worn tattered shoes that we pass to the next generation who then pass them to the next, till we are all but a memory. In the end I believe the most important thing is not whether we lived it's how we lived, did we give our hearts to those we love, did we make sure they knew they were loved no matter how diffucult there life or even the choices they made. Did we listen, process, respond with our hearts without judging. It's truly not what we say it's what we do that really counts.

Here is my secret and truth to a happy life....get to know yourself first! Accept yourself flaws and all it's okay they are yours and that makes them special and unique. Do NOT focus on what others think of you that are not part of your life... it truly doesn't matter to your life. Accept accept yourself for just being a part of this earth this journey. Place your hand on your heart and say these words, I love you. Once you do all this everything else will fall in place. You will find a happy, peaceful, simpilier life ahead.

Happy New Year to all be safe, be happy, have fun, but most of all give love to those important in your life and a hand to all.